My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
