Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
