Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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