what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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