she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
