You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
