Whod you bang
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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