we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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