omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize