Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize