it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
