things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
