Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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