This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
