Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
