it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
