I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
