she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
