I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
