I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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