I didn't shave. On purpose
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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