wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
