Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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