Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
They should really pass out barf bags in church
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
