Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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