he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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