dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
