We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
