i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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