All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
