when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
