YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
