party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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