I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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