Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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