So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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