He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
