3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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