Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
