A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
