how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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