I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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