So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My bed smells like the plague
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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