i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
