Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
