Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
