Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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