You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
