3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
