My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
