i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
