Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
