Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize