ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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