Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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