i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
