Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize