Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
