What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize