I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
