ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize