How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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