I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
