Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
