Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
