i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
